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Now that I have chosen to walk this path.. I started to see something interesting that causes me to start thinking….

There are many important things I hold onto me that I dont really want to let go. now… one of these thing has falllen off…

and truthfully speaking, I dont think it could ever be gotten back with my own strength…

As I think, the only way for me to get it back is to wait for the right time…

It seems like God want me to go back to church.

I just read someone’s blog. I’m feeling happy that everything is as I predicted to be, the group will continue to be strong and the petty few will be neglected.

But i ask myself..

“are we really failing God?”

and I felt that I dont think so actually…

everyone has the same goal in mind.

Everyone come to gather for just one purpose…

But because of this one purpose, we had to build other factors…

and these factors are not doing great…

Does it mean that because of this factor, we are failing God?

I seriously dont think so.

How do we get our purpose without building a good factor?

And only to start doing things and start being concern when something finally happened and exploded?

What does this mean?

“Oh it’s the person fault… the person should not have left. the person should at least tell us.”

Qns is… did the person really not tell anyone?

So you telling me

“oh it’s their fault, we are cool, OK! We tried our best to bring them back… ahh well.. God ah I give to you ler, those lost sheep, bring them back k?”

How about thinking it this way…

“Why am I not sensitive enough to feel that the person needed great help and I should be there for the person when the person is currently going through such crisis??”

Instead of blaming the person for not coming back despite how hard working and how concern you are? Saying that..

“wah liew eh that person.. backslide liaoz…”

“Kns~! why must the person Fail God sia.. God so good to the person!”

hahaha

really man…

I’m so laughing at all these comments that I’ve seen.

OPEN YOUR EYES people!!!!

This is a lesson you have to learn from!!!!

And in the future… BE MORE SENSITIVE~!~!

Not wait until the nuclear bomb explode liaoz then try to salvage what’s left of it…

Instead, prevent the nuclear bomb from launching when it’s still in the silo.

This is the true reason why many people left.

have you already realize this?

WRONG!!.. the point here is not have you already realize this…

the point here is… have you learnt from it?!!

I’m so sick of seeing everyone starting giving those comments just because you guys finally saw something happen to them!!! When nothing happen, you guys live in your own fantasy world… SHEESH!

Oh sorry did I just offended you?

gomen (Sorry) gomen (Sorry)~! this is REALITY DUDE~!!

My Good friend once post me this question that got me thinking…

God is always with men…

Agreed.

Men is with God…

Agreed.

But is men with Hope and

is God with Hope?

That started me to think….

I’ve been involved in a few ministry…

Oh i’m so sorry, I cant say it’s a ministry…

But i’ve been “volunteering” to do some multimedia stuff.. so that makes me being in a ministry isn’t it?

I thought..

“oh.. this kind of thing only happen in CG level…I should be able to learn more from a ministry level”

So I was expecting more spiritual maturity in ministry…

But Lo and Behold!!!

The same thing happened even in mInistry!!~! I was suddenly being abandoned and suddenly “KICK OUT” for not knowing why even though I did a great job..

And when there is no one to turn to, they started turning back to me…

Not even a word of Thanks or apologize for forgetting about me in the past?

I’m know i’m suppose to do it For God and should not be complaining..( and I didn’t! Or else I wouldn’t stay redo the whole video at 12 AM just because you girls didn’t like it!)

But as I think again..

Isn’t it HUMAN BASIC COURTESY to at least inform you of your status?

As I think.. I realize the problem seems to lies in CHURCH level…

Of course there are many other things that happened. And It also seems to be a church level problem…

Now… you tell me.. with a church level problem.. How am I suppose to bring myself back to Hope?

I’ve seen so much that I’m so disgusted about it..

If I saw problem in a Pastor…

and if the Pastor didn’t realize it’s a problem…when It’s so OBVIOUSLY a problem…

Does it permit me to think that why am I learning from this pastor?

“Because he or she is from God?”

or

“is God really with him or her?”

I know a Christian definitely need a church….

I’m not saying I dont need one..

But the question is…

Does changing church helps in this?

- The Voice of Despair within the partial darkness showered with a glimpse of light.

Even though I’m not very churchy now, but my bookmark inside still got my pastor blog. So I came upon Pastor Jasmine blog and read about accountability. I would just like to quote some verse and post abit about my thought.

We’re good at evaluating others, but unless we can evaluate ourselves by the same standard, we will live inconsistently.

Agree… I remember a case… where a Christian was criticising another Christian.

“You are no longer Christian, I dont need to listen to what you say ler!” (context modified to avoid similarity)

Based on that sentence… I started thinking..

Is he right to say that?

Thinking through.. He’s half right and half wrong.

To me, I think this is total condemnation. Judging…

you mean you only listen to Christian?

I agree that Christian has good values and lesson we can learn from.

However, even Non Christian has great values and lesson we can learn from too.

The point here is not to judge someone by their religion and to accept feedback IF they are Christian. You think what? programming ah…
But to FILTER information received.

Who said we cant listen to non-Christian? Who say they are definitely wrong? In fact… I know of many Christians that is wrong LOL …

Probably delusioned. the only explanation

I think what we should do is listen to all feedback, accept what sounds sensible and effective to you and reject all the comments that is just there to shoot you.

Of course… use your common sense and not your bias sense

 The higher we rise in the authority structure, the more we need to seek accountability. We forget that we are fallible and susceptible to misjudgments, selfishness, and insecurity, and since the “eye cannot see the eye,” we need to increase this priority.

Example… Watashi

authority structure doesn’t just mean physical title like CL, UL, CLA, CT, CTA , SDL blah blah bah

But sometimes for me, friends do come to me for advise… in a long term this could turn into pride which is very dangerous…

Thus it’s very vital that I account my life to someone… So that I can be keep on track, Usually I could stay neutral and unbiased..

However through recent experience

i’ve learnt that It’s not that easy to be unbiased when you are going through the story trouble yourself.

For me.. I account to 2 of my very good brothers HIM, HIM, and Windows Live Messenger

They account to me too. Especially HIM.

Why? From them, I’ve realized that I THOUGHT I am unbiased towards certain thing, but they listen and correct me and show me my error. and Only then did I realized how Bias I became…

Thus the next quote.

 We tend to judge others by their actions, but we evaluate ourselves by our intentions. In other words, if we can rationalize our intentions as not necessarily vicious our evil, then we excuse ourselves and feel innocent, regardless of other violations that may have occurred.

Yes.. I lived in my self-petty world convincing myself subconsciously that none of that is my fault..

it’s everyone’s fault.. His fault

… her fault.. the TOILET fault…

blog’s fault blah blah blah…

but none my fault.

Again… to even realized all these things one very very very important factor is needed… It start with the letter H

H

U

M

B

L

E

YES! HUMBLE! Only when you are humble, are you able to accept all feedback and slowly come to realization of all this things…

So dudez~! Do not start defending yourself just because someone step on your tail…

Instead… think through first before decide if you want to bash the person up

and this sentence summarise it all

Your willingness to get advice and ask for input prior to your action is the best indicator of how accountable you are.

agree totally

Even though we have not been attending service because of blahb lah blah blah….

But I still AM a Christian. and I will live with my Christian value.. the same goes for few of the people who you all think has blah blah blah blah.

So dudez who go to church…..

- are you accounting? 

now… all i need is the U in the middle of N and S

Recently pondered over  few stuff… but again.. I’ve always been pondering over stuff.. but just that.. ponder haha

Saturday… went service… lol because HE want to go service one last time before he go into the “long awaited” national service.

Actually ah.. I didn’t want to go Suppose to meet Kelyn lah… but later… lol… anyway to put it simply.. she last minute had something on after I waited for like 3 hours?

LoL anyway.. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore..  So in the end.. schedule destroyed.. so go over to service instead…

Jio HER and HER to go service together instead… LoL… we purposely come late… then go from the backdoor.. LoL super fun :X

It was in the middle of worship…

ahh… soothing… cool

then comes the Holy Comm and Announcement…

Seriously man…. for the first time ever, the holy comm speech lasted more then 5 minutes… LoL… yet so dry…

I wonder why?

then comes the preaching… ahh.. as usual.. pastor Jeff spoke well… then someone else took over… it was a 360 degree rotation to La La Land.

Very effective… efficient too!

then comes the altar call.. a.k.a. Time To Leave

So.. finally.. left..

then next?

ah.. yes.. makan makan.. the everyday needs of all humans…

men cant live by bread alone you know…

So had dinner at Long John..

so fun lor haha… the two SHEs are such a joker lol

plus the HE emoing while eating his meal lol

everyone laugh till almost fainted.. LoL

So when we see HIM emoing.. very funny.. i think is was HER that says “We are going to arcade”

Suddenly.. SOMEONE eyes brighten up BIG BIG like a baby winning an arguement with parent haha

So ok lor… we go arcade…

LoL woo fun fun fun…. and fun..

We found a new game.. very fun… no one to snatch with us too haha.. it’s the motorcycle

At the end of the game… 3 person appeared… and that concludes the episodes of “The Hours in Arcade”

Bidding farewelll fo the 3 person… we left…

haha it’s been a while since we had so much fun eh

———

Then comes Sunday… the jamming.. woo~! it was great…

until someone appear lol

I guess It’s my miscalculation on my part… but nvm.. Lesson learnt!

Anyway~!~!

Let me tell you guys!!!

my NTU LETTER has arrived! I’ve been accepted into Computer Science.

But i still need to submit my final semester transcript

Honestly, I didn’t expect to get in leh..

and at the same time…

my NS LETTER has arrived too LoL I’m going in on 25th July

awww~!~!

ah well.. I must tell myself.. It’s only 8 weeks

How will my life be inside? I really dont know~! LoL

Some very irritating fella tell me.

“Mine is 7 weeks”

Then the irritating fella reminded me of another irritating fella

“Mine is 5 and a half days”

-_-”

Now that’s very ENCOURAGING

ARRGGG~!~!~! I want to go PES E

Nvm.. must look on the bright side.. when I come out from camp.. I’m a hunk~!~! YEAH YEAH YEAH

hahahaha

so BHB~! lol

ok lah.. just crapping here.. feeling the mood to crap haha

Anyway~! I shall stop crapping here … in the next episode.. I shall talk abit about some things I’ve been thinking yeah? Ok Good Night everyone~!

It’s time for me to sleep or else I cant wake up tomorrow to go to work. SIANZ~! need to work. but yeah I have to work or else I no money to feed myself.. LoL

I dont need to feed anyone now though lol..

ok. Good Night

- I’ve found a friend who died for me : Windows Live Messenger

SEVENTEEN:

U LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE/PICTURE
CONSTANTLY

SIXTEEN:

WHEN YOUR ON THE PHONE WITH THEM LATE
AT
NIGHT AND THEY HANG UP, YOU STILL MISS
THEM EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO SECONDS
AGO.

FIFTEEN:

YOU READ THEIR TEXTS or IMS OVER AND
OVER AGAIN.

FOURTEEN:

YOU WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN YOU’RE WITH
THEM

THIRTEEN:

YOU FEEL SHY WHENEVER YOU’RE/THEY’RE
AROUND.

ELEVEN:

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, YOUR HEART
BEATS FASTER AND SLOWER AT THE SAME
TIME

TEN:

YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR VOICE.

NINE:

WHEN YOU lOOK AT THEM, YOU CAN’T SEE
THE
OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All YOU SEE IS
HIM//HER.

EIGHT:

YOU START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS,
WHILE
THINKING OF THEM

SEVEN:

THEY’RE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.

SIX:

YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM THEIR SCENT.

FIVE:

YOU REALlIZE THAT YOU’RE AlWAYS SMILING
TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM.

FOUR:

YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM, OR
ANYTHING TO SEE THEM.

THREE:

WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE
PERSON
ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME…

TWO:

You were so busy thinking about that
person, you didnt notice number twelve.

ONE:

You just scrolled up to check & are now
silentely laughing at yourself.

—————-

Why i posted this here? I wanted to see who I like… and to my horror… this is quite accurate for me… now my feelings are mixed haha…

Here’s some food for thoughts for GIRLS OUT THERE it’s called…

28 things most girls dont know…

Guys hate sluts even though
they
have sex with them!
(oh yeah..you’re not “popular” if
you’ve slept with more than 6
guys..you’re a HOE)

Guys may be flirting around all day
but before they go to sleep, they
always think about the girl they truly
care about.

Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.

Guys will do anything just to get
you to notice him

Guys hate it when you talk about
your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.

Boyfriends need to be reassured
often that they’re still loved.

Don’t talk about your guy friends to
your boyfriend.

Guys get jealous easily.

Guys are more emotional than they’d
like people to think.

Giving a guy a hanging message
ike “You know
what?!..uh…nevermind..” would make
him jump to a conclusion that is far
from what you are thinking. And he’ll
assume he did something wrong and
he’ll obsess about it trying to figure
it out.

Guys are good flatterers when
courting but they usually stammer when
they talk to a girl they really like.

A usual act that proves that the guy
likes you is when he teases you.

Guys love you more than you love
them if they are serious in your
relationships.

Guys think WAY too much. One small
thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t
notice it can make the guy think about
it for hours, trying to figure out
what it meant.

Guys seek for advice from girls not
other guys. Because most guys think
alike, so if one guy’s confused, then
we’re all confused.

When a guy asks you to leave him
alone, he’s just actually
saying, “Please come and listen to me.”

If a guy starts to talk seriously,
listen to him. It doesn’t happen that
often, so when it does, you know
something’s up.

If your best guy friend seems to
avoid you or is never around when
you’re with your boyfriend, he’s
probably jealous and likes you.

When a guy tells you that you are
beautiful, don’t say you aren’t. It
makes them want to stop telling you
because they don’t want you to
disagree with them.

When a guy looks at you for longer
than a second, he’s definitely
thinking something.

Guys don’t like girls who punch
harder than they do.

A guy has more problems than you can
see with your naked eyes.

Don’t be a snob. Guys can be
intimidated and give up easily.

Guys talk about girls more than
girls talk about guys.

Guys hate rejection, but they hate
being led on even more.

If you are going to reject a guy,
just do it. Don’t say they are like a
brother or just good friends, it just
hurts even more. Tell them that you
aren’t interested in a relationship
and they will respect you.

Guys really think that girls are
strange and have unpredictable
decisions and are MAD confusing but
somehow are drawn even more to them.

When a guy sacrifices his sleep and
health just to be with you, he really
likes you and wants to be with you as
much as possible.

——–

NS Enlistment: 25 July

Ok bye

- Born for this…

haha Hello everyone, I’m here to clean off the spider webs that’s accumulating in my blog lol.

Yesterday, it was one of the most nostalgic and most meaningful day I ever had for a very long time now.

It’s a gathering of all the old birds that I have miss and some new birds

no reason to not say name,

Windez, Yan Xiang,  Wei Jian, Ming Li, Shu Hui, Watashi, Daryll, Sharon, Jerrome, Heng Yu, Cherine and Jaslyn.

I must admit, the moment I saw them, I am so happy LoL… I guess I was abit talkative and chatty yesterday, but cant be helped lol

I remembered all the good ol times we had together.

I believe everyone had a great time yesterday.

haha But there’s something very funny there, everyone at the table, I know them all from Hope

How many still in hope?

LoL.. I can use my finger to count.

2

Easy to count right? LoL

Who? GO figure yourself loL

Really cant get started working today after taking a break from Friday all the way till today. LoL

We are going to have one of our last Band practise and someone need to get enlisted ler.

and very soon… will be my turn…

I’m just here to ponder abit about my actions…

I think I’m too nice…

To the extent that it hurts me very badly…

Yet it seems like an insults to me…

But again, It sounds like a baby crying…

What am I doing exactly… I feel so childish… I dont want to see this kind of problem happening in my life… it’s too amateur…

I feel manipulated…

the saying…

Nice guy lasts last…

how true is that…

haiz… i know there is no point with this self petty post… just needed to release it before it get worse… ah well…

-  O Leng Sai~!

and the story of the two lovebirds continues…

6th April 2008.

but we are still fools

Anyway, Just an update for the sake of updates

Microsoft has this very cool program that could allow me to mass upload lots of photo. So i’m going to give you guys the link that I upload into, feel free to head over and see all the creation of Jason Tan! Go and download Windows Live Photo Gallery Now

Here it is! Graduation photo, New Year Photo with Mdm Sng, Funny designs, art work nonsense etc… just go and take a look :)  leave a comment there or tag a taggy here would be great haha

http://cid-3e984dd8c494c692.spaces.live.com/photos/

other then that, I’m still choosing a skin! Anyone got nice Wordpress template for me? Lol

ok.. will release some shocking photos soon :X See ya~!