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Once again.. I’m stuck at my FYP. For the very first time I’m so stuck that I feel so helpless. I dont know what to do.. I’ve think of all the technique I can do to make it work. But I just wont work~! Any CSS experts around that are willing to help me? I’m really very lost as to what should I do to make it happen ler lol

Today I’ve officially found out the date where I need to submit my fyp. 14th Jan I’m going to be so dead LoL

This week will be the week I’m going to chiong like siao. But before that.. December 31.. I still thinking if I should do work tomorrow or go out and play

How ah… anyone can help me?

On a side note. I’m really very glad for one of our brother who had rededicated back to Christ. It shows how real God is in his life.

Through this it really reminds me of one thing that Jovin has said and I probably did not regard it pretty high.

God will take care of his own church

many times.. we tried to use humanly ways to maintain the relationship. And when it fall apart, no matter how hard we try, it still wont work.

But if we allow God to maintain this relationship, no matter what happen, God will still bring us back to him. Because he loves us very much!

And when we come back to him, we will become stronger then before. Like how I see 2 brothers back to rededication I’m really happy for them!!

Through today’s project I realized I’m very weak at designing website technique. I’ve read alot of website today and half of it I was like har har har? all the way…

I realized I’ve been living in my comfort zone designing website that when it comes to abit more challenging stuff. I found out I lack of the knowledge to do it.

But now.. As I Pray.. God begins to plant an idea in my mind that is worth experimenting. It might be abit troublesome, but I’m sure it’s worth the try and see how it shows.

because I believe my God

I also thank God for celine who gave me a suggestion!

Actually, I feel excited thinking about this new idea, because it’s going to be a new sorting technique that i’m going to developed and I’m going to name it after me something like..

Jason Sortorithm, Jarithm, Jasgorithm jalgorithm,

or Jathology 

or something along those line

haha it’s going to be so fun

anyway~!~! back to the topic I pray that God will give me enough energy and strength to complete my FYP. Let me do a check list here.

- Coding: 60% Done

- Layout: 20% Done

- Documentation: 80% Done

so 1 week I must achieve 40% Coding, 80% Layout and 20% Documentation~`~!.

God bless me ah~! LoL

My Friends in hope.. like.. Emily.. Jaslyn.. Cherine.. Windez.. Michael..

I’m sorry I havent been talking to you all much, I promise after my FYP, i’ll spend more time with you guys

And finally..

WELCOME BACK JEFFREY!

stay tune and look forward to my new year resolution…

good night 

I have to admit.. at first a harmless thought… later made me realized how foolish my action was..

As I think through and look through the whole scenario. I cant believe I let it happened. Does it shows my naiveness or my immaturity? or my incompetency and inability?

Or did I lost myself because of how I felt at that moment?

Everything was so well done.. the whole day.. until that moment..

Honestly.. I’m lost. I feel very guilty about what has happened and I feel responsible for it. NO iie~!. I AM RESPONSIBLE.

Almost lost my will and my confidence in everything..

But thank God I remember 1 thing. What’s done is done. It cannot be undone.

Instead. look at it, reflect upon it and DONT make the same mistake again.

It took me allot of courage to face it..

This is how SIN is guys..

It could happen without our realization. Because sometimes. it’s just too hard to stop sinning. Regardless of big and small. But still, we must not let sins condemn us. Make us feel guilty.. bad, regret etc.. about how to live on.

Instead, we should look forward, and reflect upon our wrong doing. Then Repent from it. and Be bold to face the future taking up the responsibility..

For me.. I have put a shame on myself. It shows my incompetency despite everything. But Thank God, he gave me the courage to face it.

As I approached this matter to the person concern. I already gave up on myself and find that I wont be able to do it right and that I am condemn and lost their trust and faith.

But thank God, they gave me a second chance!

I swear to God! I will not abuse this second chance and I will become even more stronger then before!

Giving up is NOT the way. It’s called escaping and running away. Face it up front and hit it hard is the way to go! So now with this shame, I still have to live on my life. may God Bless me

Good night~!

haha firstly.. a late Merry Christmas to all my blog lover~!

Christmas Eve has been a very interesting day for me. God has shown me the spirit of Christmas!

The original plan for Christmas Eve is to go to East Coast Park at night and countdown with fellow Rpians and Nypians. 

After I came back from my sis’s office. I lie on my bed lazy to move.. then abit dont feel like going for the countdown because i know there’s going to be some problem here and there lol.

So i lie lie lie… very shiok already… Jerrome called me. We talk on the phone for a while. Hang up.. I told Jerrome maybe I go with him at around 8+ just for the caroling since i’m involved.

But later I decided to give Ruth a call. Somehow.. she managed to psycho me to get my lazy ass off my bed and go get change and get out of the house. lol

So it is I left my house, to MRT Station I go.

Finally, when I reach there, Nehemiah, Wen Hui, Thomas, Chun Kwee, Lee Lin and Windez are all there waiting for me ler. Lol So off we go to  East Coast Park. As we get off the Bus stop and walk towards our destination, along the way, we saw one young women “sleeping” on the floor under one of the bench.

As we find the position very weird, Jason and company decided to approach her and see if she’s ok.

she was lying flat on the ground and her jeans are covered with sand. Worried that something might have happened to her, Lee Lin poke her abit to get her respond.

Slowly, she opened her eyes. As Lee Lin repeatly asking if she’s alright, suddenly, she shot up from her position and keep shouting some malaya words that none of us can really understand. slowly.. she muttered her husband.. and she grab hold of Lee Lin’s hand and drag her to somewhere.. all of us had no choice but to hastily followed her.

Reaching her block, she continued to drag her up the stairs all the way to the 5th floor. Then she stopped at one of the house and frantically took out her set of keys and fumbled for the right one.

Everyone was quite worried at that point whether there are trap or not. So as the door is opened, she bring Lee Lin into her room claiming she only trust Lee Lin. But of course we are not going to leave her in the house alone.

So we set up a plan. A few people go in the rest wait outside. If got anything, outside people stand by 999 and “Andrew Number”

Inside the room, she keep calling us to sit down while she talk to Lee Lin in another room. Lee Lin is like.. BLUR lah.. dont know what the hell is she talking. So she decided to be resourceful and phoned her maid for assistance. Nehemiah and I inside the house has been on very high alert mode.. to be ready to react even to the most faintest sound.

As I continue to eavesdrop their conversation. I think It’s not really anything dangerous. just some problem between her and her husband. We found out later she is from Indonesia.

As I inspect the house.. I realize there is almost no place to set a trap. so I relax abit.

As I relax, I felt the atmosphere inside the house and outside the house is abit tense up. So I decided to loosen things up and ask Nehemiah to play his guitar.

He took out his guitar and started playing Feliz Navidad. then we sing along with her.

After abit, she came out from her room and said

“YOUR MUSIC!!! VERY GOOD!! I LIKE IT!!!”

haha at that moment of time..

I was like so happy haha. Because something in me has light up and it was a very good light.

Somehow, I’m glad that the situation has turned well. And to add on to the greatness of this whole thing. Lee Lin invited her along to our Countdown and she agree to join us~! hahaa

So along the way, we tried very hard to communicate with her using all ways and means that we knows of lol

Thankfully when we reach East Coast park. One of the NYP Brother is an Indonesian~! LOL so finally.. we could have a medium of communication.

So finally we are able to help her settle down with the whole group.

She told us not to mind her as she is only here to listen to the music haha so throughout everything we tried to get her involved but she pai sei lol

Later.. we found out one very interesting thing..

She’s a Christian too!

haha wow.. coincidence?

Sorry dudes, there’s no such thing as coincidence in my dictionary anymore

Through this whole thing. I realize the power of God! Let me look at this whole thing in HER shoes.

Oh yar.. by the way.. her name is RINA :p

now.. as I was saying.. from her shoes..

something happened to me.. I went drinking.. I feel helpless.. depress.. sad.. dont know what to do.. then I ride bicycle.. fell from it and landed on the ground..

feeling unconscious.. I dont know what to do.. somehow.. the whole area in my life has darken. Darkness crept over me, threaten to take over me once and for all.

then from a far far corner.. there is a gleam of light… soft.. yet visible..

I felt a push and a nudge here and there faintly..then it became more physical.

Finally I slowly opened my eyes, to be showered by the initial brightness of the sky..

As I opened my eyes.. the a few unfamiliar figures was looking straight at me with concerned expression.

Suddenly, everything came back to me! all the depression, sadness.. the reason.. . and the only thing that could make sense is.. they are angels from God. …..

haha wow.. I could be a writer already

But honestly.. this is how I felt.. at times of depression, and sadness and my downness.. God will send sister and brother to assist you. EVEN IF YOU DONT KNOW THEM!

Why?

Because we are ONE binded by the Unity in Christ! 

Despite our difference, we make up the body!

now I need to Seek God.. there are many things that I’m concerned about.. yet I’m not sure if God wants me to lay my paw into them…

Yet.. I felt if I dont do something.. it could get worst.. especially since it’s only in the starting the stage..

So what should I do? Should I just do it? Or should I just ignore?

2 possibility.

1) God glorify it and it was right not to interfere.

2) I didn’t get involved and the whole thing just get to the point of no fixing..

So what should I do? I really dont know..

One thing I know.. I WILL allow God to use me..

now another thing..

if someone were to find out I’m actually dealing with some stuff without his “acknowledgement” (Not that I really need his acknowledgement)

Will he be thankful? or mad?

If there are areas he need to change too.. yet.. it could become a very sensitive topic to talk about.. Should we tell him? Taking a risk of either losing him or gaining him as a greater brother?

This is one of the few biggest decision in my life now.. I dont want to see history repeat itself..

On a side note.. From tomorrow onwards all the way until Sunday. I will not get myself involved in ANYTHING at all..

Because my FYP is at stake~! lol this week.. It’s either MAKE IT or BREAK IT!

SO GOD BLESS ME WITH GOOD HEALTH PLEASE!!! 

I envy and feel happy for one of my brother.. he’s finally moving on to the next stage in life.. despite he knows it or not..

yet for me.. I still cant move on

God.. when will you allow me to move on? 

- i believe in a thing called love.

haha this is so sudden -_-. Yesterday still so holy, today rebel liaoz lol

I guess this is human for you.

Now that i look back at my own action. Seriously I dont really know why did I do it.

Let me explain what happen to those blur king and queen readers.

Actually.. my plan for today is quite funny one. Yesterday night.. after considering for a very very long time.

I’ve decided to cancel jamming session. because

Kelyn is sick

and Jason need to attend caroling meeting

Oh.. to be more exact JasonS need to attend caroling meeting.

or maybe it’s Jason?

haha. well..  this is one thing about me that I think the problem was amplified today and I did something I didn’t imagine myself to do it.

I dont like to appear in places where I’m not invited.

I just feel more like an outsider rather then an insider.

Today got a meeting for caroling. No one informed me. So naturally, I would think I’m not needed anymore…

In the end, it was Cherine and Jason who persuaded me to go. I was still very reluctant.. because the main person did not sms me to tell me

Then I thought.. Maybe after meeting with Jason to talk to Chun Kwee and friends then after that we can go for lunch together and go caroling meeting.

So yeah.. a wonderful plan indeed.

Morning woke up.

saw Jason Msg.

[Summarise]: ” sorry slept late. cannot make it. nvm we can meet later in the evening, then go watch show. go Joycelyn house eat blah blah”

haha first thing in my mind. Doesn’t sounds like his plan.. more like.. TWAM plans -_-

so i nvm.. settle that later.. need to settle lunch first.. very hungry..

So as I think think think.. I’ve finally thought of a good combo.

Eat at a coffee shop beside MRT Station. then take train all the way to Sembawang.

ai sei. Good plan. So 1 PM I get ready to leave house.

mama came back

“Oie~! havent eat ah! Come let’s go eat together now!”

I remember my sis told me yesterday I havent been eating oftenw ith my parents because of all these outings. so I decided.. Ok lor good to eat with them too.

who knows.. when you got accompany, your pace would be slower.. by the time I know it. 1:30 liaoz..

I jia lat..

Normally. my instinct would tell me…  TAKE CAB LIAOZ LAH~! HALF AN HOUR AH!~!

but…

the recent increase in cab fare had me considered twice PLUS

I dont know why.. my impression was so bad that.. I was thinking.. nvm.. late late lah.. dont care ler..

So it is.. I take a train.. all the way to Raffles place…

out the door into another train. and all the way Sembawang I go.

wow.. It rythms..

anyway.. Jason say he will come down fetch me.. later I realize he has been waiting for me at his house.. He said..

“so we can go over together”..

Truthfully speaking.. I’m quite touched by that small gesture.. But I also dont know why leh… lol I’m beginning to appreciate this brother more.

anyway.. so finally we’ve reached the carolling place.. summarise… very fun. Nice. Moving groovy~!. Ok Done.

Then at 4:45 we took a train to Doby Ghaut to meet Michael, Chun Kwee and Heng Yu. Thomas followed us too.

we went to trumpet of praise to buy a bible for chun kwee and I ordered Left Behind Series 1 and 3

some people would ask. Har? “I thought you buy before liaoz?”

then I will say. YES I did!

But guess what.. I made the biggest mistake in my life and now it’s going to cost me $50 for this mistake.

I lend the MAIN disc to my friends out of friendliness..

and for their gratitude to ME.. they’ve kept the disc to themself probably collecting dust under some drawer in their room now.

The best part is.. I’ve lend until I dont remember who did I borrow it too..

This time I’ve learnt a lesson I will NOT lend the main disc to others anymore…

But Kind Jason will allways be Kind Jason.. so Jesus Said..

“Be as innocent as a DOVE” Yes I’ve did that..

BUT

“Be as SHREWD as a SNAKE”  No i’ve not done that. and YES! this time i’m going to make sure the original Disc is going to be kept safely in my house tuck under my room only for my viewing pleasure and whoever come to my house.

as for borrowing to friend.. i’ll think of a different alternative which best not to show it to the public

No I’m not doing illegal stuff :D.

anyway… after which we went to BK where Jason suppose to do Follow up on Chun Kwee..

Initially I wanted to help out. But I realized Jason, Michael and me if all talk together. It will become messy. So I’ve decided to let the 2 leaders to do it. Even though yesterday Jason ask me to help out.

Anyway..  all they did is to explain to Chun Kwee “How to use the bible” and “What do to with the bible”

And yep.. after that we left Burger King.

I’m dumb-founded.

That’s what follow up is all about?

At that instant.. I quite sianz liaoz..

but nvm..next destination… go to Joycelyn’s place lol

as we happily stroll to the station fighting PSP with Thomas still. We bid farewell to Cherine. Which was pretty unexpected too LoL But She’s too tired lah, because of all the dancing just now

so 1 person less ler..Then Michael bid farewell at City Hall.

Another person less ler..

I dont know what reason. Chun Kwee bid farewell at Lavender

And one more person less again.

Finally it comes down to just the 4 of us..

As we were walking over with my stomach grumbling loudly.. Jason said.. it’s a potluck so need to get some food.

that was unexpected. but nvm buy lor.

Actually I quite hate pot luck one.. because for my experience.. it usually means eat what you bought.

I remember last time I bought $5 of Chai Tao kway.. In the end.. only I eating.. haiz..

so due to experience, I dont like pot luck.

But nevertheless, just buy lah.. see how later.

As we were walking there, I found my eyes seems to try to meet the lids of each eyes.  I was like literally nodding off already..

then Jason got lost haha

he made a phone call and got enlightened.

then we made our way there.

The moment we reach there. Joycelyn and Wanqi was like literally staring at us..

“Wooooooow.. I didn’t know..”

Jason Said. “Nel Said the more the merrier”

But I heard Wanqi ask Joycelyn.. “Can or not. Will dio scolding mah?”

Then Joycelyn slowly open the door.

It was at that point, I lost it totally already..

I told Jason, I think it’s not good for me to go after all. But without really waiting for a reply or say good bye to Heng Yu and Thomas, I walk down the stairs and left.

Like I said.. I dont like to be uninvited guest. you will just feel like an outsiders..

Ignoring all phone calls as I made my way to the open road. Jason wearing slippers chase me down all the way.

I told him I’m tired that’s why.. but deep in my heart.. i know that is not the real reason.

As I reflect upon my action.. I know leaving when we finally reached is not the collest thing to do and the best solution to this problem. But I think my fatique took over me. Causing me to lose my patience.

Too tired I guess.. 

Just FYI, I watch show at crunchyroll until I fall asleep and only woke up like 10 mins ago before starting to blog?

I feel bad.. leaving Heng Yu and Thomas there.. I was actually so looking forward to it.. to hear Jason play the carol again later.. and to chat more.. But.. I dont know why.. the moment I think that I’m like an outsiders.. I just dont feel like going..

It’s me. Yes i know.

The problem lies with me and no one.

Joycelyn probbly doesn’t really mind us go.

Since when Hope people will mind openly?

But do they actuallly mind in their heart?

I will just feel.. uneasy..

Sorry guys… I dont know what come over me.. but since it has already happen.. I will not deny the existence of my fault.

I have no excuse for this unholy and UN Jason way of doing thing. But I guess this is one area I need to work on it myself to overcome it.

and I’ve probably disappoint many people. But sorry. Jason is Still Jason. A HUMAN

HUMAN errs! so yes! I ERRS! But one thing about it it I WILL CHANGE! SLowly.. but steady..

Ok peace out. Good Night

looking forward to that day..

Actually.. I still dont know how does the drama link to the sermon like last week LoL

Anyway. Today.. is a wonderful day~! why I say so? After..  1 year.. plus.. allmost 2 years.. God has finally shown his work in RP once again. Today, we had 2 NEW CONVERTS! Congratulations Emily and Chun Kwee!

Service is seriously great man.. for the first time for a long time… I could stay awake to listen to the whole preaching by Pastor Jeff haha usually I would fall asleep lor lol

But the Ply Card part is very touch.. On one side, they  put “www.xporn.com” and then at the back “www.tchrist.com”

Then another one is:

FRONT: “Lone Ranger”

OPPOSITE: “Power Ranger in Christ”

haha I find it very interesting.

Omoshiroi~!~!

and slowly.. one by one… all came out.. I was touched when I see some of the msg on the card as I could relate it to my life..

One drop of tear flow down my cheek haha

I hope these new miracles would once again light up the fire in all Hope RP heart Once again to continue to believe in God~! yeah~!~!

Oh yar.. I found a friend who could play Go with me at time when I’m doing my Christian walk haha. She is none other then Jaslyn~! LoL. I’m so gonna find a mobile Go software. :X

“God. I thank you for your assurance when I pray at service today. Thank you for telling me, there is gonna be convert today and I just had to trust him and believe in him. Thank you once again for showing your miraculous power~! In Jesus almighty name~! - AMEN”

Today sermon.. only one thing hit my heart pretty hard which I didn’t know why didn’t I realize that before..

What happens.. when something awful happen to a person? What would be going through our thought?

That guy must have did something bad or his parents must have sinned against God blah blah blah

Devine Retribution

That’s what we would be thinking. No?

Today.. I learnt something new..

The reason why stuff happens is NOT because of our SINS. why? HUMAN SINS! who doesn’t?

so if like that, then we all will kenna lor? No right.. even though we sinned. Christ has took the sin for us

The real reason is because.. things happen so that God could show his power through us!

How true is that? When a problem arises.. how do we deal with the problem? What is our attitude towards it?

Will we just lie on the ground and scream at God?

“God ah~! where are you ah~! why not here with me leh?

or will we

“God ah~! I know you are still here.. Even though I have been healed. but I have FAITH that you will see to it that it’s done! I’ll rejoice before it happen because I know it WILL happen :)”

this teaching really reminded me of one scenario I’ve seen at a book store.

“In a normal day, you see 2 foot prints. God and I.”

“In times of trouble. You only see one. ”

“Whose foot prints is that?”

“Mine lah~!”

“Your head! It’s God!”

“In times of trouble God will carry us up and walk with us. That’s why there is only one foot prints on the sand :)”

I live beliving in this promises God gave me!

Now.. after so spiritual.. time for some mortal complaints.

SIANZ~! one more weeks before end of this year! and guess what~! I’ve been so involved with Christian stuff I dont have time to do my FYP It is now only 25% done! LoL

Power ah?

But hey~! after so much preaching, I cant possibly be a hypocrite now can i?

God said.. ” Seek First the Kingdom of God and everything shall flow.”

I do not believe I have wasted my time in CG and everything Instead~! God is going to increase my Ram and memory and CPU power and i’m so going to chiong my FYP finish with his given infinite wisdom and knowledge~! ahh~!~! CHARGE!!!

And now.. 100% idiotproof.

We are finally going to progress once again! Power ah.. Zombie so hard to play~! But I find it challenging to learn haha I’m so going to defeat that song

Map of the problematique I’ve conquered~! I hope to play it one of these days

I promise.. end of this year.. I’m so gonna change my blog skin

God.. continue to give me wisdom and knowledge.. and maintain my emotion. So that I may help those who are in need Also.. give me the health to carry on in life.

and finally~!~!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS and a MERRY NEW YEAR~! (That’s what Pastor Jeff Said *innocent big eyes*)

peace out!

Hello guys~! It’s been very very long since I update ler haha. I guess you can say I got too busy with my social life

no lah~! actually is because I’ve been busy helping my sis set up her new shop~!

There’s something I would like to reflect upon myself, thus I will talk about some stuff here. If you dont like reading grand pa pa story, now’s the time to siam and look for other stuff to do ler, like planning a shopping list to buy at MR. COSPLAY’S OTAKU HOUSE
BUT… once you’ve started reading.. DONT STOP READING HALF WAY.. Because.. You might misunderstood my INTENTION
It all begins from last saturday..

As I have just mentioned, last Saturday, I’ve been very busy helping my sis and etc to pack stuff from office and bring to shop. Because of this i never go service.. lalala~! Thus I didn’t get to eat the Ben and Jerry that Andrew is treating everyone lol

Anyway, let me speed up my story. Saturday very hectic lah, alot of things to do.. do do do do do.. all the way until midnight.. 6 AM. Being very tired.. I K.O on the bed the moment I relax on my bed.

relax… very nice.. cool..calm..dreamy.. coldy..rainy..breezy..

then comes.. the dreadful sound.. DI DI DI DI DII DIIIIII DIII DIIIIINNNNNGGGG

and I woke up abruptly from my dream! One look at the clock is enough to wake me up totally.

OMG!~! It’s 3 PM SUNDAY!

I sianz diao.. because.. i got Jamming Session at… 3 PM SUNDAY

the next thing I did was look into my wallet..

$2

lalalalalala~! Jia lat.. No money.. if I take train to Potong Pasir, by the time I reach there, I can get ready to go home liaoz lol.

some more I havent bath and everything.. so in the midst of this dillima, my mum came into my room.

Mum: “Waaa~ wake up liaoz ah! come come!! help mama take luggage!”

Me: “Orh”

Suddenly.. a thoughts sneaked into my mind…

Me: “mummy ah, what time are you leaving Singapore tomorrow?”

Mum: “Tomorrow ah, I’ll be flying in the morning~!”

Me: “Oh, then you should give me allowance now before you forget tomorrow.. now 3rd Dec ler~!”

Mum: “Orh ok lor, wait ah I take for you..”

OH MY GOD~!

PRAISE HIM HIM and HIM~!

hahahaha I didn’t expected that.. I was kinda like expecting her to stare at me with dagger eyes and a bit of suspicious look then ask how come I spend money so fast.. but nothing~! she did none of that~! but instead gracefully hand me my allowance lol

hahahaha suddenly I got enough money to go jamming and still got money to treat Emily A good friend I’ve come to known from Red Cross

so filling with a very happy mood, I happily made my calls to my band.

and at this moment..

darkness crept into my mind..

After a very thorough discussion with my band last week, I was expecting everyone to be very ON with the session and continue to improve for a greater cause~! Starting with initiative..

I called Heng Yu..at 3:20 PM
Heng Yu: “hehe.. I still on the train.. reaching ler~!”

1st WTF.

Blake: “reaching ler~!”

2nd WTF

Kelyn (Lagi best..): “err.. hehe I forgot about it ^^”

3rd WTF * 100
At that point of time, my mood has slowly drop to literally 0..to describe it in one word.. I was disappointed..

that day, I very moody.. unwillingly take a cab.. muttering to myself why do I have to waste money to go down.. there.. I am working for just one day… and like what the… nothing is going right.. With this mood, I sulk all the way to the jamming studio with Jerome trying every effort to calm me down and cheer me up..

unfortunately.. nothing works..

In the cab.. I literally gave up on trying ler.. I tell myself.. I’ve been trying so hard to help everyone oraganize.. on Friday, they would rather spend 15 mins basically doing nothing then to listen to what i have planned for them.. fine lah.. if this is how it’s going to be.. I shall stop taking initiative..

then.. I enter the room..

at least everyone except someone is already there preparing to jam ler

then.. I saw Emily..

I was like..

uh oh~!~! Emily had to come at a time like this.. jia lat..

then.. we do EQ… ok lah.. not bad improve ler..

then we start jamming.

to be honest, I totally have no mood to jam at all. so instead, I use the drumset as a destresser and smack it with all my might..

wow.. shiok.. power~!~!

getting addicted.. I keep doing it.. the songs I played.. all filled with rage.. anger.. frustration.. irritation..

nothing works .. when you try too hard to play music, you spoils the music..

Piss yet not knowing what to do.. I carry on to indulge in my own world of rampacity..

until..

*SNAP*

the tip of my drum stick broke…

only then did I realize I was using too much strength already.. and you know what.. this snap..

is like a slap. Literally a slap across my face by God. Telling me his disappointment in me..

this drum stick… is the first drum stick that I broke..

at that moment.. I’m heart broken.. I feel sad, but… the song has to go on..

I almost teared when I played Face Down.. because I very sianz.. drum stick broke..

after the whole jamming lesson, I started to evaluate upon myself.. then.. the FIRST msg God want to spoke to me just now finally shone on my face..

never use an instrument as a destresser..

the music will never be nice..

But.. I still did not learn my full lesson..

at night.. spoke to Kelyn, still feeling pretty piss and tired.. I literally lectured her.. she kept quiet.. but i know deep in her heart what is she more or less thinking..

anyway..

I feel SHIOK!! GREAT~! SUPER~! after that…

i was like~! woo hoo~! power~! i did it~!

I vent my anger on someone ler~! hahahaha Power to the people~!~!

then that night.. I told Jason Nehemiah about some part of how I felt..

then.. one sentence from him struck me..

dont stop trying.. and leaving me alone..

suddenly.. my heart had a second thought..

did I do the right thing? everything seems so justifiable.. they ARE in the wrong.. i HAVE the rights to do it.. why do I feel something amiss…?

…. THE NEXT DAY

after CG Planning, I had a chat with Jovin.. and on that day.. Jovin explained mant stuff to me.. I’m not going to repeat out everything he says.. but I want to summarised it in one point..

What is a band to me?

and thus.. I realized what is wrong with what I did..

I lost my focus.. my vision.. thus leading to such terrible feelings and almost looking forward to destruction..

a band.. works in a unity..

only together.. as one.. can we truly.. play music..

a band.. help each other in times of need..

a band.. enjoy together.. suffer together..

a band.. do not point mistakes at others..

then I truely realize how wrong I am last week..

I basically took everything upon myself and think selfishly that just because things didn’t goes my way.. it’s screwed up..

For a band to progress.. we need to have the same vision in mind.. we must move toward our goal as one..

despite the problems I faced last week.. I should not have lost my temper.. I should not have scolded Kelyn.. I should not have bring my foul mood into the jamming studio.. because these are factors that lead to destruction of the band..

what I should have do?

$16 for a jamming session isn’t cheap. neither that expensive.. but it’s still money..

what is my purpose for coming to jamming?

do I come just to play the song?

Oh.. Ok come let’s play Famous last words.. Ok good~! very nice~! move on to the next song.. cannot~! try again..!~! Ok nice let’s move on..

Is my mindset coming to jamming just to make sure I can play all songs?

NO!

I might as well play at home..

if I were to play a songs.. we MUST play as a BAND.

If we are not in the right mood. DO NOT START JAMMING..

instead.. sort out our thoughts.. settle down ourself.. if need to.. CANCEL the jamming session.. because there is no point in jamming when our heart is just not there..

And why do I have such disappointment? As a band.. if all we do is just to meet up and jam.. our relationship for each other will never improve.. so.. we need to have band outings! Doing something more then just jamming!

I realize what I did last week even though righteous.. is wrong.. It’s naive.. childish.. immature..

But now.. I seek to rectify the situation. I really want our band to really grow as one!

Jason Nehemiah told me.. some how.. playing in our band does not have the same feeling as playing in his church band..

this feeling..

we dont have.. IS ThE UNITY!!!!

I dont care~! No matter what comes our way from now on! I’m going to strive forward and Bring 100% IdiotProof to Glory! And we shall do it as one together!

TO KELYN whom I’ve lectured last week..

I AM TERRIBLY SORRY FOR WHAT I’VE DONE and TRULY REGRET IT. PLEASE FORGIVE ME…
Hontoni Sumimasen!

GOMENASAI!

*the words I said here.. I WILL say it to you again face to face.. Thus to show my sincerity. So Please accept it when the time comes.. I think I’ve hurt you deeply.. I will do everything to salvage your heart!
TO 100% IDIOTPROOF

LET’S DO THIS TOGETHER AND ACHIEVE A GREATER HEIGHTS..

100% IDIOTPROOF…

I am really sorry.. for my selfish immature naive attitude..
From now on.. I swear to God I will never get piss with the band in any circumstances anymore if my heart is not right. IN THE NAME OF JESUS! AMEN