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Now at this moment.. I’m in my room.. peacefulness and quiteness swept over me..

For the very first time, I feel such peace being alone..

I guess today has been a hectic day. Maybe that’s why I felt good. I needed a break lol

Today CG is very fun Anyone who went for the CG could testify this for me

One of my dream.. is to make use of my IT Skills to help make the CG a dynamic one and today.. I believe my dream has came true..

Yesterday night after discussing with Jovin and Jeffrey on what to do. I start my engine going and started coding an application for today’s sermon discussion. I photoshop a puzzle picture until 4 AM then. I started coding the application and I completed the whole thing at around 5+ 6+.

Throughout the process, funny things come to my mind.. mostly negative.. no matter what it was, it’s to call me go and sleep and give up.

A few stuff that rang in my head is..

Jason..Go and sleep.. you are tired.. and you dont really have to do this.. SO MA FAN

Jason… Why do so much? everyone take it so easy.. why you work so hard? DIO BOH?

Jason.. you bai chi ah?

Jason.. you cannot do it de.. confirm fail…

blah blah blah..

Stupid Devil.. LoL

But one thing that keeps me going is remembering that I did this not for myself.. but I do it for the group Because I want to have an impactful CG! That’s why i’m taking all this troubles to get it done!

I’m glad to see during the teaching, everyone waited in anticipation what happen when I press the green button and the red. LoL

And I’m happy to see everyone actively participated and affirm each other!

yes people! this is unity! Always remember this puzzle. And in turn.. remember everyone’s Strength Also remember what I did to all the weakness..

This is what it mean by being a Christian man

The birthday celebration for Jovin and Mei Yun turn out well! And I’m happy to see their smiling face! So much effort has been put inside this planning..

So much money too.. I’m almost broke lol

All this can only be made possible thanks to everyone’s effort The game part was pretty sudden for some of you. But I’m glad you guys got the hint and started pretending too.  Because time constraintz niaz..

In the end.. I’m glad everything turn out well.. I hope we did not neglect any of the brother and sister! Pity Dilys cannot join us

But hey, each and everyone of you are remembered Always… in our heart..

Another thing.. I realized that as I affirm Mei Yun and told her about the past. I’m very surprised I still remember all those event even though she forgot about it already..

Later as I think through, I’ve come to realized why…

All those moment.. all those fun.. laughter.. joyfulness.. and sadness.. I remember it all.. because…

I cherish everyone of you and all happenings in my life

This 3 years in RP. It’s very fresh in my mind.. you guys brought a new meaning in life to me.. it brings joy and colors into it.. moulding me into who I am today…

I want to say this… remember this picture.. and the significance and the meaning behind it

Finally I shall end it by saying.. even though I’m very tired.. but..

it’s worth it …

you like someone doesn’t mean you love someone.

Finally.. I’ve understood..

I just watch finish a show call “Wo Yao Bian cheng Ying SHi Zi”

Ok I didn’t particularly watch finish, but I watch the last episode

In this story, there is this guy started to change his life because of one girl. He found a dream and that is to complete his dream with the girl.

Then the story goes on to say that how he tried to woo her and how another girl tried to help him win. Because that other girl friend boy friend is currently with this girl.

At the last episode.. I was shocked to see in the end who the guy like.

But one thing he said really make me start thinking..

“For you.. I’m willing to sacrifice my dream..”

When you like something, you have a goal and go towards it.. But when you love something.. you are willing to lay down your goal and pursue a life with her..

I started reflecting on my own life. and i realize.. There is this girl recently.. for the very first time in my life.. I said “I LOVE YOU” to you..

but is that really love? I think..

We had many things in common, and I foolishly thought, yes! that’s a sign from God!! I will endure and pursue it!
I had such horrible days enduring all the suffering that I’m receiving considering the fact of the circumstances. With a smile on my face, I acted like dont worry~! it’s no big deal!

I tell myself to endure.. to love her.. I would be there for her and wait for her..to console her..

But as time goes by, and as we get to know each other more.. I realize..  I started chasing her only because we have the “same wave length” and many things in common. Yet it has not been tested.. Easy to chat with. Even started paying for her, and got a hole in my wallet.

I thought to myself..

Yep, just be this romantic and should be able to slowly win her heart..

How foolish can one get?

I neglected one most very very important factor in the whole of relationship.

feeling.

As we talk more, I realize she dont have feelings for me. And yep, that’s when I realize everything i’ve done gone down the drain.

then I started evaluated on my own feelings towards her.

Initially, when she return back to her old bf. For one, I’m disappointed, sad, agonizing, going crazy.

the days are hard for me..

I was like.. “SHIT! I can never recover ler…”

Then I check myself.. what feeling do I have for her?

Is it love? Having a heartache does it mean it’s love I had for her?

as times goes by, I’m beginning to realize the reason behind the ache..

It’s because I thought I almost got her..

i’m foolish.. this is no feeling at all.. to put it bluntly, It’s just because of how close we got together at that point of time that makes me think that something could happen…

NO. I do not love her.

I like her..In my life time.. I could like thousand and one girls.. but.. love.. there SHOULD only be one..

I realize my foolishness now. The truth is. The right one has not arrived yet.

All along, I’ve been liking but none loving..

I’m being hurt by all of them because of my own foolishness.. I thought I am important to them..

it’s just my selfish thinking..

I’m glad that she has chosen a path now and walk towards it. But I swear I will NOT be affected by HER.

From now on.

I’m not going to love anyone anymore. But if I slowly develop a feeling for someone.. this time.. I’ll make sure I check my heart thoroughly first before making a move. I believe this time it’s going to be slower for me. I’m going to slowly try to find the true meaning of loving someone.

I’ve been liking too much till I have all the ten year series answer.. but to get the true love.. this will take time.. as I grow older and more impatient. I shall stay patient. Because I know who holds tomorrow.
I’m sorry it took me 21 years to understand this. But I guess I’m just slower that’s all.

To , I dont know if you will be mad after reading this post. But this time.. this is from the bottom of my heart.. Thanks for being my friend

haiz..