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LoL

Yeah I fall sick on Monday and Tuesday.

Sunday after Ben Played a drum then I feel sick until today liaoz LoL

Firstly I had a headache, the pain is excruciating it almost burst my head. At the same time I’m very cold. After coming back from PS I feel super cold. So I went to sleep early since not feeling well. I wore a jacket to sleep. At around 1 AM woke up feeling hot. I was sweating all over from the top of my shirt to the bottom of my pants. woo~ surprisingly when I woke up I dont have a giddy head any more. But i still cant sleep.

Tuesday, pai sei ah team mates, I cant come for J2ME lesson

My headache is better. No longer having fever I think. But I still having the sore throat. Eat doctor medicine liaoz still the same. Throat very pain ah LoL

Until now as I am blogging, I still have that awful pain when I swallow.

And now as I blogging, my dad is beside me learning how to use Photoshop

He’s a slow learner I tell you haha he keep asking how to do the same thing over and over again LoL but I have to be an understanding son too lah LoL

Again, he’s doing all this for his church. Catholic Church. I guess I’m happy that my father finds happiness in contributing to the church. It makes me feel bad about what I am doing to my church LoL

Doctor say I might be infected by Dengue, but judging from hwo I feel now. I believe I’m safe to say it’s not dengue.. at least I pray it’s not

But if God decides to bring me back to him now, then I bo bian lor, as sad as I would be, I have no choice.

I also remember talking to Augustine about the IMPORTANT day.

I fear this is one of the tough event that i’m going through now as I tell him.

sad but true.

So the feeling is painful and torturing. But I’m gonna endure it all with my grittering teeth and walk this path to the end. To the future that I do not behold..

yes fini! LoL

How’s the class ah?

Not bad lor, but competition is gonna be quite high I think. There’s alot of very efficient people in class lol. Needa work harder to fight for grade ler lol

Classroom?

Not bad lor, first day of school is at green lab. It’s a room with alot alot alot of G5 and BIG mac screen! Crazy sia lol

I love that room. Got freedom haha Faci also cannot watch us from there lol Can only walk around to find us.

Storyboard isn’t my forte, needless to say about drawing. My drawing is soooo sticky lol. I call it stick man

J2ME lesson..

Not bad, Early morning I already know the answer, but looking up on the real stuff are quite tedious especially with my kind of class mate who are so hard working at the last min which was the time where I have already exhaust my tiring little brain thinking up the solution and coding it out.

They are wonderful people! Quiet for the whole meeting and started being volunteering and explaining to me the solution when the other teams are presenting.

 WONDERFUL!

The best part about this whole facade is that when it’s finally our turn to present,  fur somehow stuck in their mouth. Everyone went quiet..You can hear a needle drop.. Not willing to speak a word.. Only one girl presented abit. And of course, I have no choice but to take the rest..

I went speechless at that But to maintain my friendliness in class, I shall overlook it.

I’m used to it -_-

I’ve been very spiritually dry recently..

Have no mood to go CG, attend meeting, and now I’m even skipping service..

But I dont know why, God seems to be telling me this is one of the BIG chance that God is giving me to turn the situation around.

I can feel it in my heart. This is the day where my future depends on..

But yet, I’m strugglling not willing. Totally.. I lied, I sinned. I feel guilty, but my heart keep going. It’s as if the Devil has a very strong grip in me.

I feel that I should go for today service. But.. what’s in stall for me after today? I really cant imagine.

But it’s definitely nothing smooth, Since I did not commit myself to God.

My laziness is taking over me again.. I dont feel like doing work after a whole day of schooling.

Guess what, yesterday I cchiong like mad to go work. The shop ah, messy like crap -_-

Sianz sia, I feel like… only Augustine know..haha

oh yar, yesterday when my parents were closing shop, Augustine said something super hilarious.

“Sianz ah, find girl also so hard”

It crack me up LoL

Because he just say it all of a sudden.

haha must be the babes and mei mei at TM he saw stir his emotion

Oh yar, I also change laptop ler ^^

INSPIRON 6400!

Very nice very good! Better then Fujitsu!

DAMN FUJITSU! GO TO HELL!

Stupid FAN. Stupid Service.. Stupid.. you name it. they have it..

So piss lor, Freaking hahaha

Ok i want to watch Naruto ler. Bye bye

Finally.. Sianz liaoz.. PP havent do. FYP starting. Current Project not completed weee!! Wonderful life lol

I didn’t really enjoy much this holiday But one thing that I really treasured alot is during our jamming session!

Words cant express how happy I am. It’s a happiness that you cant find in words.. LoL

I didn’t realize the desire in me to want to play in a band is so deep! So much that I feel … the word just cant pop into my mind.

Anyway.. Today I did some photoshopping. Here’s the image.

Before.

after.

haha I was just trying to show her what photoshop can do ^^

*note: If Owner demand picture taken down. I will

Anyway.. Tomorrow or Sunday I will show you guys pictures of what happen in my this two weeks of life

So today I shall go and sleep and tomorrow 9:15 wake up. Sianz~

Gd Night!

haha dont know what topic to put. So Just put. The day.

What does it mean? No idea too lol

Here’s two video that you guys can take a look at. It will be tear down in 2 days time

http://youtube.com/watch?v=tzuTK809CeE

http://youtube.com/watch?v=BmPRnSbmnFg

What happen to his child updates ah?

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about what content do I want to blog about today. But ah, I dont really have anything in particular. So I will just randomize myself, and starts blogging nonsense that first appeared in my mind..

now.. let me start randomizing..

*randomizing in progress…*

*teet*

Ok today we shall talk about path of life..

Today Augustine came to my place to chill. Very sweet of him to buy Tao Huay haha.

Thanks ah Augustine it’s very nice.

Later we had some hearty chat and I realized both of us are in different state of a similar condition.

Then I think through on how much i’ve been through for the past few weeks and how much have I ponder on God knows how much stuff.

I’ve came to realize some stuff and I decided to stay cheerful and live my everyday life like nobody business. LoL

He asked me this.

“Is this what God wants you to do?”

wow chim. Very chim question. Almost hard to answer. But I just tell him this

“I dont know”

Yep. I’m at this point that i do not know if it’s right or wrong any more. But I believe that if something has to happen. Just let it happen.

who knows what will I gain from it. Knowledge? Wisdom? Insight? Inspiration? Luck? Who knows.

Just like Mr Bean. Oh yeah went to watch that with Augustine just now haha Ok back to topic.

As I said, Just like Mr Bean.

Final Destination: Cannes

Various method of reaching there.

1) Just take a train all the way down

2) Just take a bus all the way down

3) Bump into everything possible and get your Ass there somehow.

This is the path of Life.

We can either just take the short cut. Heed people advise, and go through it. Smooth sailing. No wave, etc..

Cons: Once a wave approach, you have no idea how to face it.

Or we can go the long way by falling into all the trap that has been lay for us, climb up a rocky mountain, scramble through the wild forest, seared through the wavy sea.. and then come back to the original path

Cons: Full of Experience and grew stronger.

I think..

In my opinion, that’s how Life works. No matter which path we go, we will confirm come back to the same path. It just depend on how long you gonna take.

thus, sometimes, instead of wasting your saliva to persuade them not to walk through the stormy seas, why not just let them go through it and feel the rage of the seas?

That way, they will personally fully realized what is good for him or her and the persuasion is actually their best interest at heart.

As much as I’m saying all these. I myself is also walking the long way. How long is long?

Only God Knows

One thing for sure..

See you at the finishing line

Yeah.. i’ve been wondering about a few stuff on how God will work on certain situation. Recently, I’ve spoken to one friend which I’ve found many surprising things from him. I didn’t expect him to be in such an interesting situations considering what he has done from the past till now.

That alone has caused my mind to be in such confusion that I cant identify right from wrong ler. However, I still have my basic belief and thus i’m going to stick to it.

As fate had it, today, another friend of mine surprised me with something astonishing again.. well, I guess I should be expecting something like that from her considering her activeness and everything. But then it’s still a shock leh. And when I put 1 + 1 together, somehow, a strong motivation has stirred in my heart and confidence grew. Even if I’m not looking at the right one, somehow My belief has led me to believe that there is HOPE! LoL

Yeah.. I believe I’m going to rename my blog real soon. a name that could allow me to throw all my stress and rants…a simple name.. that symbolise emptiness.. and big enough to store all of it…

yes.. the name is

THE BLACK HOLE….

haha i’m still working ont he details abit. But I might need to merge it with another name that means good things could happen too. Any suggestions anyone?

Since you’ve been gone…

Someone on Saturday spoke to me. He told me, I’m not alone. Many people were concerned about me. It’s just that at that situation the concern wasn’t really shown.

Sigh.. how should I respond? Do I look like someone who because of the lack of actions  or concerns being shown to me will gradually fade away?

Ever since primary School days, I led a lonely life, almost lonely that is. I’ve learnt to be independant. I’ve learnt not to cry when things goes wrong. I’ve learnt to fix a problem if there is one. I’ve learnt to be more mature.. and most of all, I’ve learnt to be more understanding.

I Have already understood that at this time, I shouldn’t be selfish to bother about the care and concern you guys should give me.

In fact if you really know me well. You should know that I’m not a person that would go for the action but the heart. I’m appreciative enough that some of you have asked about me and been there for me. That’s the reason why I’m still here.

It’s just that, I have some struggles and difficulties at this point of time and I’m facing it with abit of heart pain. I’m trying to solve it. Or rather tame it.

There are many trials and ordeals lay in front of me waiting for me to be trapped.

I know that all these has caused me to be emotional at times. But i’m definitely not bothered with anyone giving me concern or not. After all, I believe in everyone would need it but it’s fine for me.

Thinking back, I know I should be appreciative that they have ask about me. But through much pondering, i realize it was the event that could possibly caused them to think that way.

I didn’t attended many events.Valid Reason? Excuse? I’m not sure myself. But I do admit I do not look forward to it. Loneliness? Naah, two post ago you also can see liaoz. Waiting for service if no one then i go sleep lor. lol

They said they were looking for me last week as I like suddenly disappeared. The fact is, everyone just walked their own way talking with their new found friends or whatever without even noticing my existence and I was left stranded alone all of a sudden not knowing who to talk to. So Of course I go and sit alone on stairs and gradually fell asleep.

As I said, It shouldn’t be no surprised that Augustine was the one that found me.

At that time, I was asking myself, who are my true friends who are really true to me.. as this question ponder in my mind, a sharp snap of light pierce through my close lid eyes and as I slowly open my eyes in a daze. There in front of me.. stood Augustine.. At that moment, I felt God told me alot of things. He might not have realized it. But I have brighten up abit when I see him.

I dont know why. But I dont seems to feel anything even after what HE told me on Saturday.. I know I should feel happy that wow I’m being affirmed and being noticed. But no.. nothing.. it’s a blank. Empty… silent.. dark hole.. and nothing in my mind.

I guess that was why after he pray for me, I just stood up and with a very unaffected expression without a smile on my face, I said good bye and left. It’s weird. But I did it.

On the train, walking on a road or whereever, my eyes has become cold.. the way I look at people. I feel that they are abit freak up. my eyes is cold.. expressionless.. even when see chiobu, my eyes still did not shine up or brighten. It’s still cold. like… dead..

If there’s any areas I can help I definitely will. That is the reason why I went to the back and sit with someone. Somehow when I see him sitting alone with a space between the rest because whoever is sitting beside him need to fetch someone and sit other place. My heart told me that I should not leave him alone like that for his first time there. SO I went to sit with him. But later, I felt foolish. our conversation ended as fast as it started. Sigh.. It makes me look like a fool even more when I realize Li yan is actually sitting beside him.

Where can I find peace?

.…Music.

I was surprised, as I was practising a song called Pieces by Sums 11 I think, as the drum part start, I became very emotional. On the very first beat where I come in with a clash on the symbol, for the very first time at home. I whipped it down with all my might leaving a loud deafening ring trail on the right side of my ear.. and carry on. At that moment of time my heart was very confuse. I just feel like whamming the drum according to an emotional beat that comes to my mind when I close my eyes..

that I did for half an hour.

It was quite an experience..

Jamming always helps me take my mind off things. I enjoyed being with them. I might not really like those songs totally. But yet I indulge myself with those songs..

Again and again I play it in my IPOD. Again and again I play it over the drum. Again and Again I play it in the jamming session.

It was an indulgance. I know that. Yet, I dont intend to do anything about it.

I just wish it would just swallow me up.. plunge me into the deep darkness.. where I will feel no shame, no pain, no feeling.. nothing..

That was what I wish.. however in reality I know I must not submit to this pessimistic thinking, It will bring my life crashing down totally destroying the castle within me that was built with strong walls.

But what can I do? I’m just a frail human who would just fall anytime.

Yet, my emotion was very stirred when someone MSN me today. Frustration worn over me as I keep wondering when will the torture end. Till now It has not ended. Speculations, guesses, assumptions. Been there done that.. Painful, Tiring, irritating.. frustrating..

So I’ve decided not to think about it now and fall deeper into my indulgence. Let it take over me.

If God decides to bring me back now.

Let him do it.

I’ll wait for him..

Bye..