twopaws.sg |

Saturday. Not a good day. I dont know what is going on already. Somehow, mum and dad spoke about my sister on Friday with my cousin and apparently, from what my dad said, mum cried very hard. And ever since, start avoiding my dad. USually Saturday dad will fetch mum home. But today mum didn’t want dad to fetch her. Lunch, mum called to say she eat already, call me and dad go and eat. Then mum hang up dad’s call and even my call. My dad was worried sick. Sitting on a chair in my room stoning. It’s been very hard on my father.. the tiny weeny quarrel between sis and mum has been dragged till this day.

Day in and day out, I’ve been trying to be optimistic about this. Believing that God will do wonders in his time and I beleive my sis and mum will reconcile. But this looks like an impossible day already.

In addition to all these, my dad’s working contract is coming to an end, and being as who he is, he’ll start worrying over it. But me? I’m so helpless. I want to help, but how? Being who my sister is. Speaking to her is almost pointless. Since she’s a stubborn girl who believe in her righteousness and think she knows everything. Even though I said that of my sis. I know my sis felt painful too. To her, it’s not because of the anime that screwed her relationship with mum. But it’s an accumulated opinion of my mum that lead to that day. As for my mother, being in the world, of course she’s doing what the world do. When someone shout at you, what do you do? Shout back of course. This ignite the flame between both of them. A day that we were supposed to go to IKEA and buy a bed for my sis, in the end, became the breaking point in my family. As painful as it is, I need somewhere to scream, to shout, to cry, to be comforted and most of all, to released. Mum as all mother, will definitely not hate her child overnight. But what’s the best part? None of them are willing to be the first to give in. My mum believe that, I’m the elder, why should I apologize first. But deep in her heart, she really want to reconcile with sis. Yet for my sis? Vice versa of course. She wants my mum to speak to her first. My dad? Best lor. Dad seems to be the only one that can remain calm “Externally” speaking calmly to my sis and dad. But the funny thing is, mum said dad isn’t trying hard. and blaming dad that sis is like this. I know this is wrong. But I can understand both side. WRONG I can understand all sides. My mum, dad, and sis. yet me? I’m just a helpless child. I know I cant talk to my sis. Or else even our kinship will come to a break point. Speaking to my dad? What’s the use? he’s also trying his best. My mum? I tried. and failed. So what the hell can I do? I remember that day, when they quarrel. I cried. I teared. I wanted to scream but I cant.

With such burden plus I’m sick plus my leadership role in church. I really felt that I’m collapsing. Really had no strength to carry on. Everyday in my family. I just seems to be more depress when I come home.

Supposedly a loving family now become like this. What’s God trying to do? What’s the point of going through the journey for 1 year and baptise to be catholic, when they cant even face this problem with a holy attitude?

I felt so sick yesterday when I went to service. I’m thankful for the people that encourage me to go on. I know someone definitely said something to them that causes these action. But i’m happy. I know I have a loving church that cares for me. But I’m not sure I want them to know all these I’m going through. Let them worried about RP1 will do. My personal life. I’ll settle it myself.

None of my parents know I’m a Christian and I dont intend to tell them just yet. I’m taking a big risk by being so clear in here. But I cant stand it anymore. I need a place to released..

I know my mum loves my sis. I remember the last last time they quarreled. In order of not to make a situation worse. Mum will always pay for sis whatever she wants even though it might not be something mum would like to do. When my sis went to apply to learn to be a model or something, knowing that this is a trick, my mum will willingly paid for my sis whatever she needs in there. Then later need to do website, pay dont know how much, My mum yet again know it’s a trick, still pay for it. Sis promised to pay dont know how many percent of it. In the end, never paid a cent. Mum also did not pursue. Now at this very moment even as my sis is still being hostile to mum, what is mum doing for her? WASH YOUR DAMN CLOTHES THAT YOU WORE EVERYDAY and MOP YOUR FREAKING ROOM. Yet you come home without even calling her. Went overseas and only dad knows on the day you were leaving? You can tell others that THIS IS WRONG. You can PREACH to others. you can be RIGHTEOUS in your Judgement. But why is it that, you cant DO what you PREACH? What philosophy book convinced you that shouting at mum and ignoring her is the right thing to do? Which philohophy book told you that it’s alright to ignore Mum now, since YOU DONT NEED HER ANYMORE?! Which Philosophy book that you that Mum brought you to this world and nuttured you till this age is WHAT THEY OUGHT TO DO? Which philosophy book told you that THIS HOME IS A HOTEL?

Seriously. I’m Pissed. Having an urge and at the verge of breaking something. What can I do? I know whatever I do, the consequences will not turn up well. Instead, I’ll keep ranting in here. I doubt anyone would want to read such long entries anyway. I really feel drained. Where is God’s love now when I need him?

Life.. Damn life..