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Woo~ Love that songs so much LoL. That’s the song we played yesterday at drum lesson. Power sia, I kept miscounting my bars Lol. But overall, I enjoyed the song and really love it haha. Next time I can play all these songs when Jam LoL. Sad man, my earpiece spoilt today! AHHH!!! Came to school without music sia.. Sianz LoL Whole hour on the train nothing to do LoL, after awhile, fell asleep liaoz LoL

Broken Dreams keeps ringing in my head even now. Without  my IPOD i still got free Music played by my mind haha. Really want to die sia. Later go home think need to take 163 liaoz. NO MUSIC CAN DIE! LoL

Just finish working on our Java Problem Statement LoL Very tired sia. Later got UT. Can die. Never eat breakfast and skip lunch. arrgg~ feel so terrible. LoL

What should I do later? LoL Still deciding. …

Watched it with Windez, Yan Xiang, Ben, Jason E guitar, Sharon, Krystal, Shu Hui, Shu Ying, Shu Ying’s friend, Yan Xiang’s friend and Windez’s friend $6.50 for eye candy. I guess it’s ok lah To me, I enjoyed the computer effect. LoL

Speaking of computer effect, our team has finally completed the three weeks Multimedia MTV! Got chance must show it to you guys man lol. I personally am satisfied with the final product today. I think what I wrote in my RJ today really reflect about what I’ve really learnt throughout this three weeks. I remember one of my team mates almost screamed at another team mate. Thank Goodness nothing that bad happen. Instead, the situation was slowly soothed. haha

I realized we are going to split class soon. Suddenly not willing liaoz haha. We had developed a pretty deeeeep friendship in class. OMG I think I never eat dinner today. LoL

Tomorrow gonna pOn Tang Go KBOx and KPool and K Lunch loL. kk time to sleep. good night

woo~ Today lesson i super slack haha, I like agar agar more or less know what is going on then I go rest liaoz. Looking for a street fighter game PC version throughout the whole week. Haha no one want to send me wor.. dont know why all want to sell fish LoL so nvm lor, Thanks to Dao with a slight hint, I managed to spend one whole problem statement to download that game from the net. Woo~ Quite fun, but ah my laptop not fast enough, very easily hang. No such situation when I using my desktop. Ah well, Today drum lesson super tough haha I think I’m totally gone. Without the songs, I dont know if I can practise at all. But I will try my best tomorrow. Lol Tomorrow I will be staying at home. Dont know leh. Getting tired of lessons so I guess I give up one A for X LOl. Joker sia. I believe my class can make it with Irene around. Sorry Irene

Finished watching Magician of Love. It’s an idol show and I quite like it. Even though the ending very de idol. LOL But not bad lah. Overall the show is interesting.

What’s next? so many things to do… narutofever ah! LoL need to finish it real real real soon!

Friday.. so busy until forgot to pay school fees. my fees due on Saturday sia. By the time I’m aware of it, OSC closed already. After dinner, went to Marcs place to supposedly get Premiere installed. haha but in the end never lah for me. Only deshun installed. Deshun keep telling me, never pay school fees might need to retake module. Psycho me until I so scared haha. But after checking RP website. My conclusion is, I will not have to retake module.

On Saturday, Surprisingly, RP actually sent a mail letter to me. This time, the letter said, the expiry date is 24th July haha! Thank God so much, I have plenty of time to pay my school fees now. LoL

Happy to see Corinne and Mei Yun at service once again. Gave them a chocoloate bar from San Francisco. Hope they like it. Initially when Corinne and Mei Yun reached Nexus, the atmosphere was quite stuffy.. Corinne was scolding Mei Yun and Mei Yun doing likewise. But after attending service, they have both quiet down their heart and pursue the same goal. So thank God. After service, they are back to normal.

Martin came to service today. That surprised me. It took me awhile to decide if I should speak to him. I finally did at dinner. Lol dont know why I yesterday feel so active and energetic. Feel so different.. LoL If only my CG is like that.. LoL Well, it definitely will be one of these days.

Visited Wei Jian’s Brother at NUH. Thank goodness it’s not really a serious situation. So we left with relieved. Wei Jian was so sad at service. But I believe as I told him, have faith. Faith will be the wonderful words that will bring wonders and miracles to my family just as it will be bring to his. Faith.. heard of Faith 3 times in a week. Who says God’s prompting are hard to identify? Thank God! With this word Faith, I have pick myself up from failure on Monday and walk till these days. Situations in my family are changing. Definitely for the better. Even though it’s a bit slow. It’s worth praising God for! Looking forward to see more from God! amen?

Today is Water Baptism day. Wanted to go. But should spend time with family. When I’m reborn. What will my name be? LoL Cant imagine any other name other then Jason. Gundam Seed Stargazer is out! Must download ah!

Yesterday, after a chat with Mui Lim. I realized one weakness in me that I need to change. That is the Short Term Memory(STM) in me. I keep forgetting things sia.. LoL kk time to eat lunch. Enjoy your day everyone!

Wow.. today Java lesson is tough. Whole class almost gave up LoL. I also had so much difficulty doing it sia. Almost fail to succeed too LoL. Mum is still talking about sis sia.. still very broken hearted. But I believe as things get worst. Things is getting better. Marcus came to fetch me in a cab today at 8:30. Needless to say, I’m dam late today ah haha.

Just present finish. hehe Managed to complete the whole problem statement. But with some help from Faci. I’ve learnt alot from today’s lesson. Yeah so tired, gonna play Go with Mui Mui soon. bye!

Waa today Database… actually quite easy Just kenna trick by the resources I found from the net. Make me confuse haha But after learning, didn’t expect it to be so simple :X But I must admit, I’m shock to see Jesling’s team complete everything so fast. LoL Today, I learn from them We do learn from each other hor haha. Quite fun today. After lesson taught Katherine and Mui Lim Java. Dont worry girls~ Java is easy to understand. Remember to think of the concept Regardless of slow learner or fast learner, the most important thing is to have a willing heart to learn. That matters the most

Interesting discussion about Christianity. Got chance must talk to you all more

Had Yoshinoya with Marcus and Deshun. The food ah.. not filling de. LoL I think I’m going to be hungry real soon again.

Today I did a very bad mistake AGAIN LoL. But this time, I’ve learnt that there is no condemnation. Dont start looking down on myself just because of it. Do not let seed of condemnation be planted into me or it will lead me to depression again. But seriously. Through experience, I’m beginning to see the ROOTS of the problem. To put it in a blunt way. It’s her boyfriend’s fault that they become like that. Where’s the trust between each other? How can a love goes on without trusting? A fragile love that could break up or at the verge to break up at the drop of a pin. In a way it’s my fault. But he’s wrong too. His attitude.. if today is the first, it wont be the last. 

Time to keep on living. Adios 

Had a chat with my cousin. Learnt alot. Dont solve a problem, but treat the root. I guess I did it. Went to City hall, Chose three cards, two magnets. Gave one card and two magnets to my mum. Hugging her tightly. I want to let her know I cherish her and Love her. Wrote everything in my heart on the piece of card. Hope she can feel my love for her..

There’s really a season for everything. But one thing that is for sure is. The situation is definitely turning better God let it happen for a reason. Faith is Unseen. And this is what I’m lacking of. Being impulsive so easily. The Devil ought to be rid of. Never will I let seeds of condemnation be sow into me. Because when there is condemnation, depression is next. Aren’t you smart SA TAN?

Good Night everyone. I would like to thank Mui Lim, Windez, Dao, Priscilla Serene, Corinne and all my friends who has supported me when I am so down. I would also like to apologize if I face you with hostility. Even though nothing has changed now. I believe I’m better now Adios!

The day that I feared the most is finally here. Morning, mum said to me. “I’m considering two course of action”. “1) I move out of the house” “2) Your sis move out of the house.” After hearing this. I’m heart broke. I no longer no what to do. Waves of blood flows into my vein. But I’mbeing impulsive again. I said everything in my heart in quite a rush tone. My mum defended with more tears. Unable to stand the sight, I unlocked the door after 5 tries since my hand is shaking badly, run out of the house with very loud foot steps and kick the side wall very loudly and launch a fist of frustration towards a pole.

I walk dazedly to the MRT Station. In the train, I cant help but cried. Controlling my emotion is very hard. I feel that I’m at the verge of breaking down. I Smsed my cousin. Ask him to help me. I cant take it anymore. He give me his helping hands and offered to meet me up later at 6:30. I’m grateful. After cooling down all the way to woodlands. I’ve decided to bring back the smile to my face so that I wont affect my class. GOD! I need you badly! I’m comforted on what My cousin said. What will you do now?

Saturday. Not a good day. I dont know what is going on already. Somehow, mum and dad spoke about my sister on Friday with my cousin and apparently, from what my dad said, mum cried very hard. And ever since, start avoiding my dad. USually Saturday dad will fetch mum home. But today mum didn’t want dad to fetch her. Lunch, mum called to say she eat already, call me and dad go and eat. Then mum hang up dad’s call and even my call. My dad was worried sick. Sitting on a chair in my room stoning. It’s been very hard on my father.. the tiny weeny quarrel between sis and mum has been dragged till this day.

Day in and day out, I’ve been trying to be optimistic about this. Believing that God will do wonders in his time and I beleive my sis and mum will reconcile. But this looks like an impossible day already.

In addition to all these, my dad’s working contract is coming to an end, and being as who he is, he’ll start worrying over it. But me? I’m so helpless. I want to help, but how? Being who my sister is. Speaking to her is almost pointless. Since she’s a stubborn girl who believe in her righteousness and think she knows everything. Even though I said that of my sis. I know my sis felt painful too. To her, it’s not because of the anime that screwed her relationship with mum. But it’s an accumulated opinion of my mum that lead to that day. As for my mother, being in the world, of course she’s doing what the world do. When someone shout at you, what do you do? Shout back of course. This ignite the flame between both of them. A day that we were supposed to go to IKEA and buy a bed for my sis, in the end, became the breaking point in my family. As painful as it is, I need somewhere to scream, to shout, to cry, to be comforted and most of all, to released. Mum as all mother, will definitely not hate her child overnight. But what’s the best part? None of them are willing to be the first to give in. My mum believe that, I’m the elder, why should I apologize first. But deep in her heart, she really want to reconcile with sis. Yet for my sis? Vice versa of course. She wants my mum to speak to her first. My dad? Best lor. Dad seems to be the only one that can remain calm “Externally” speaking calmly to my sis and dad. But the funny thing is, mum said dad isn’t trying hard. and blaming dad that sis is like this. I know this is wrong. But I can understand both side. WRONG I can understand all sides. My mum, dad, and sis. yet me? I’m just a helpless child. I know I cant talk to my sis. Or else even our kinship will come to a break point. Speaking to my dad? What’s the use? he’s also trying his best. My mum? I tried. and failed. So what the hell can I do? I remember that day, when they quarrel. I cried. I teared. I wanted to scream but I cant.

With such burden plus I’m sick plus my leadership role in church. I really felt that I’m collapsing. Really had no strength to carry on. Everyday in my family. I just seems to be more depress when I come home.

Supposedly a loving family now become like this. What’s God trying to do? What’s the point of going through the journey for 1 year and baptise to be catholic, when they cant even face this problem with a holy attitude?

I felt so sick yesterday when I went to service. I’m thankful for the people that encourage me to go on. I know someone definitely said something to them that causes these action. But i’m happy. I know I have a loving church that cares for me. But I’m not sure I want them to know all these I’m going through. Let them worried about RP1 will do. My personal life. I’ll settle it myself.

None of my parents know I’m a Christian and I dont intend to tell them just yet. I’m taking a big risk by being so clear in here. But I cant stand it anymore. I need a place to released..

I know my mum loves my sis. I remember the last last time they quarreled. In order of not to make a situation worse. Mum will always pay for sis whatever she wants even though it might not be something mum would like to do. When my sis went to apply to learn to be a model or something, knowing that this is a trick, my mum will willingly paid for my sis whatever she needs in there. Then later need to do website, pay dont know how much, My mum yet again know it’s a trick, still pay for it. Sis promised to pay dont know how many percent of it. In the end, never paid a cent. Mum also did not pursue. Now at this very moment even as my sis is still being hostile to mum, what is mum doing for her? WASH YOUR DAMN CLOTHES THAT YOU WORE EVERYDAY and MOP YOUR FREAKING ROOM. Yet you come home without even calling her. Went overseas and only dad knows on the day you were leaving? You can tell others that THIS IS WRONG. You can PREACH to others. you can be RIGHTEOUS in your Judgement. But why is it that, you cant DO what you PREACH? What philosophy book convinced you that shouting at mum and ignoring her is the right thing to do? Which philohophy book told you that it’s alright to ignore Mum now, since YOU DONT NEED HER ANYMORE?! Which Philosophy book that you that Mum brought you to this world and nuttured you till this age is WHAT THEY OUGHT TO DO? Which philosophy book told you that THIS HOME IS A HOTEL?

Seriously. I’m Pissed. Having an urge and at the verge of breaking something. What can I do? I know whatever I do, the consequences will not turn up well. Instead, I’ll keep ranting in here. I doubt anyone would want to read such long entries anyway. I really feel drained. Where is God’s love now when I need him?

Life.. Damn life..

Wonder.. I wonder.. I wonder.. everyone can wonder.. But it just keeps on wondering.. what can we achieve from wondering without action? Wondering too much will just lead us to wander around the endless waves in our mind..I guess that’s me. knowing such thing, yet I’m still aimlessly wandering wondering around this deep and endless darkness in me.

 One sentence that one of my best friend once told me, even though it’s just a cautious out of no where reply. This sentence has been carved deeply into me. Prompting me times and times again for these past few years. Even though we are no longer friends. I guess.. I still treat him as one of my best buddy. A guilt that I dont dare to face. What’s in stall for me? With the smile on my face, never will I show a sadness that no one can understand. But a Smile would change the situation. Wonder.. How long will I just keep on wandering? Only time will tell